I Am My Own Obstacle

It’s been about two years since I started this website/blog. Weekly, it chronicles my obsessions, my successes, my failures, my meanderings… In that time, I have no idea if I have really grown or changed. All I know is that I took up running (shocking), passed the JLPT (about time), traveled to new places (YAY Vietnam), got new ukuleles (that I am not playing), and haven’t been published (much sadness and stress).

Staying positive and motivated as an artist is hard work. I think it’s almost as difficult as creating itself.

I have spent this past month being angry at myself for not writing and for not getting published. But this past week I focused on just preparing for Thanksgiving and I made the realization that it’s my own mindset that messes me up. I am building my own obstacles to success in whatever I am doing.

What is it about us making this realization over and over? It’s not like we don’t know or aren’t taught that perception changes things. I know that there might be actual problems with my body that makes depression harder to “get over” (I hate that phrase. It diminishes those who have to use medicine and therapy.) and that is why I have to fight so hard to come to a stable place.

I have to stop creating obstacles. I have to be patient and believe in myself and my writing. I will find homes for my work. I will write. I will not pressure myself to be or do.