Being Vulnerable

You’d think that I wouldn’t feel vulnerable posting videos of myself playing the ukulele and singing, badly, but I do.

In the depths of my mind, I can hear my mother screaming at me to always be perfect no matter what I am performing, whether it’s cheerleading (yes, I was the mascot for my school’s cheerleading squad for about year or so when I was 7/8, and boy did she make me practice, cheers, jumps, splits in the yard until it was too dark outside), conducting an entire gym of students to sing a song (my mother had me practicing for hours every day from the time she was informed), and so many more… My childhood is riddled with these moments.

Needless to say, I have massive performance anxiety to the point that no matter how much I have practiced something, I can forget it all in the span of stepping up to the mic - auditions, solos, duets… one moment I know exactly every note, every entrance, every exit, and in the next, my mind goes completely blank.

For this month’s ukulele challenge, I recently have had to learn 2 popular songs that I don’t know very well because living in a foreign country means I am not blessed with radio or commercial airplay of certain songs over and over and over and over lol

I have spent more time trying to learn to play and sing these songs than I have for any other up until this point which I guess is a blessing and a curse.

This week has been especially hard because other events have made it super difficult to find the headspace to complete each day’s video without feeling like a complete ass.

So, I uploaded my videos - mistakes and all - anyway, because honestly why the eff not? I am learning. I am not a performer (well not in this case). I can be vulnerable.

Let’s celebrate the good! I have a new micro at Maudlin House - Wheel of Fortune - check it out if you haven’t yet. I have a pub coming out soon in Five South which was chosen by Kathy Fish! Super excited about that.

Sending light and love and creativity!