Why Can't I Write A Damn Novel?

I have been trying for a year to write a novel.

I started out with an idea that fizzled but generated two short stories. I am planning to keep one short story as a part of a chapter.

I spent November NaNoWriMo-ing some very rough chapters, but I wasn’t able to make a decent word count dent. I barely broke 5,000, which is pretty sad.

I think my biggest issue is I can’t write long. I have always tried. The longest short story I have ever written was 17 pages and that was pushing it for me. So the idea of trying to write a chapter of that length or longer on top of many chapters of that length is beyond daunting for me.

It probably doesn’t help that I set aside no time to write for myself. I mean not really. I have free time between classes and some time set aside during art nights, but I don’t write at night or on the weekends. I don’t write on vacations. I have toyed with the idea of a writer’s retreat. A time and a place to just write.

I know that ultimately I am the one sabotaging myself. I make choices all the time not to write. Exactly how I make choices not to play my instruments, not to study, not to exercise.

Sometimes, it really sucks to be an adult.

Why can’t I write a damn novel? Probably because I choose not to make the time or space for it.