Give It All Up

Sometimes, I just want to give up writing.

Before I started trying to get my work published and establishing an online presence, I basically stopped everything. From 2008 until 2014ish, I did nothing. I didn’t write. I didn’t draw. I just watched TV, played video games (Remember those shitty time consuming Facebook games? Farmville, anyone?), went to work, and tried to navigate life in a foreign country. That’s a long time to cut off a part of yourself.

My inability to write this year has been more than disheartening. It has shifted my perspective on myself as a writer. I have always known that I am not prolific. I can’t write a ton of stuff, good or bad. I have tried. NaNoWriMo doesn’t really work for me. I wrote an entire short story collection two years ago that is definitely not worth editing. I have tried. This year even with the offer from an agent, I just can’t seem to write very much. I have an actual agency interested in me and I still can’t write. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I have a total of two short stories that I have written and submitted this year. Two.

And the second story was a part of the novel I have been trying (not) to write.

I know everyone gets discouraged. I know everyone has self-doubts. But seriously, this shit is starting to piss me off.

It’s at moments like these where I think to myself…maybe it’s time to just give it all up.

… but I probably won’t.