The Lack Of Consistency In My Life

One of my biggest failures is my inability to be consistent with pretty much everything in my life. From writing to maintaining a sourdough starter. Even with reminders set in my calendar, I still will find a way to convince myself in that second that my phone buzzes and I read my watch that I just can’t even be bothered to pull out my laptop, or pull down my guitar, or get up and feed the beast (my sourdough starter, which I killed this weekend).

It’s discouraging how often I sabotage my own self.

I know that this is all just a reflection off the self-induced stress fest that I have put myself through these last two months. I find that as I get older I am less able to deal effectively with stress. I guess I have managed my life well enough that I haven’t really had to deal with this avalanche of projects and goals - meaning I have not had a lot of major projects and goals. There is always the writing, of course, but there is also the reading, the exercise, the crocheting, the knitting, the ukulele, the guitar….wow that is a lot for my normal everyday life. Then, I added a novel and a Japanese test and I am collapsing under the pressure of it all, or at least my neck is…

So maybe my problem isn’t consistency but just the way I perceive the projects and goals I have set for myself. You know like writing this blog every Friday which I have totally been unable to do. Then again, it was Thanksgiving last week and I was slammed with prep, cooking, and hosting people from Tokyo as well as Gunma. So maybe I can forgive myself for that bit of lack of consistency.

I guess I should just forgive myself my failures and not dwell on them and just keep on living and doing and writing and playing as best as I can.