So excited to celebrate that my little chapbook made the Fractured Lit’s Longlist! Crossing my fingers for the shortlist.

In other news, I had my practical exam for my motorcycle license yesterday and I failed.

I have really bad performance anxiety. Give me a solo and I will find a way to fuck it up - no matter how hard I practice, no matter how many hours I put into preparation - my brain just tells me to fuck off and I sing the wrong part, or in this case, drive my bike off the balance bar, which in this country is an automatic fail. The others are hitting a cone and not being able to hit 40kph for the emergency braking…

Needless to say, I spent the rest of my day drowning in a debilitating doubt spiral wondering if I will ever pass, wondering if I should be riding a motorcycle, wondering why I am doing this to myself.

What is life but to challenge ourselves with new and difficult things, including failing, and hopefully succeeding one day.

I have a lesson today and will retake the test again on Saturday. Wish me luck, and if I fail that one, I will try again, the following Saturday…. and my husband to cheer me up, and which made me guffaw, said that “hey, if you don’t pass by next June, at least you can be a passenger on mine” and the absurdity of that idea that it would take me THAT long to pass added the levity I needed this morning (In Japan, you cannot have a passenger on your motorcycle until you’ve had your license for one year for regular roads and three years for the expressway - Japan is very strict).

I am currently geared up and getting ready for my lesson so need to get my head in the game. Sending you all light, love and creativity!